A Retreat From "No"

By Cindy Lee

Retreat affords us the unique opportunity to explore areas of our practice that scare us. When we’re afraid of where a path will lead us, we immediately say, “No.” Surrender to the Guru? “No!” Regard others as higher than myself?  “No!!” Practice contentment? “NO!!!”

During Summer 2010, I was surprised at the repeated requests I received to teach about the Mahasiddhas (Indo-Tibetan mystics), and how genuinely interested people seemed to be in their stories. And yet, we are afraid to live like them. “Living like a mystic” doesn’t necessarily mean eating fish guts by the river like Master Luipa, imitating Chaurangi by living limbless in a forest, or drinking for 5 days in a tavern like Master Virupa! It’s more of an inner attitude of confidence, the wisdom and the compassion to say “yes.”

It’s difficult, with all of the distractions, fears and anxieties of our daily lives, to embrace each moment positively and bravely. But in the quieter and more controlled environment of retreat, we can practice saying “yes” to whatever is happening. We can practice living like a Mahasiddha, someone who has awakened to reality. Maha means “great” and siddha means “power,” and the greatest power we can cultivate is a view of reality that inspires a feeling of complete responsibility for, and connection to, our world.

So how can we practice being a mystic in retreat?
We try to say “yes” to everything that arises, bringing it all into the path. This affirmation is an agreement to participate in the present rather than further indulge in our afflictions. For instance, on the second day of retreat, we may find ourselves locked in a ferocious argument in our mind, angrily remembering what they said to us last week, last month or even last year or decade. Instead of saying “no,” being embarrassed about our “failure” to be a good spiritual practitioner, and sweeping the affliction, hurt and anger into the shadows, we say, “Yes…this is my retreat.”

Master NaropaWhen we say “yes,” our anger can become a goldmine instead of an embarrassment we are trying to deny. We open up instead of shutting down. “Why am I so angry at what they said to me?” And, “How did I encounter an irritating person in the first place? Didn’t I do this exact thing to someone else last month? Aren’t they actually teaching me a beautiful lesson?”

In retreat, we don’t have the usual restrictions we place on ourselves – the fear of messing up, or concern with how we might look to other practitioners. We actually have the space, time and potential mindset to connect with that inner narrative, which creates an apparent division between the “public” you and the “watcher” you (the one that offers the uninvited and almost constant, critical review on how your performance is going).  “Cindy’s retreat began well, but she became afflicted on day two, which means she is a terrible practitioner and her retreat is a failure – 2.5 stars!”

Now for some clarification.
When we say “yes,” it does not mean that we are accepting our own and others’ suffering passively. Rather, we are simply agreeing to both accept and participate in what is appearing to us in our present reality. It is an active “yes.” Acceptance need not imply apathy.

Master MarpaA stepping stone to wisdom is practicing holding two seemingly paradoxical notions in one’s mind at the same time. In 2010, Lama Marut taught on the Ashtavakra Gita, a text on how to live like a free person, a jivanmukta, in the sense of trying to cultivate total acceptance of life. Ironically, there was a certain amount of blowback at the concept of contentment and acceptance! People argued that they could not just “accept” all the suffering beings in their world, nor could they be “content” with the afflictions they were experiencing. But this was never the type of acceptance being advocated. Acceptance means taking everything into the path with open arms. Acceptance and action are not mutually exclusive. “I accept that I am experiencing great anger in my retreat -- now what is that teaching me?” Or as one student said recently, “It’s saying yes to no.”

Jack Kornfield offers a little mantra that illustrates saying yes to no. He suggests that we can bow to our experience and say, “Yes, even this.” Shunryu Suzuki Roshi had a similarly gorgeous message for his students, “Each of you is perfect the way you are ... and you can use a little improvement.” Lama Marut has been teaching this as a principle of “development and discovery,” encouraging us to simultaneously “work hard” and “relax.” He recently “tweeted:” “Contentment isn’t complacency. It is the acceptance of everything, including those things that need changing.”

Offering a mystic “yes” in the face of our habitual “no” allows us to practice being liberated, here and now. Rather than binding ourselves to the “no” that we use to punish ourselves and others for our sins, we open up to the potentiality for liberation in each moment. Saying, “Yes, this is perfect,” in the face of our anger, jealousy or pride defies our attempts to bind ourselves as suffering beings. Arya Nagarjuna teaches on this potential for liberation in each moment:  

 “There is nothing whatsoever that distinguishes samsara from nirvana or nirvana from samsara." Root Verses on the Middle Way 25.19)

Master MilarepaIf samsara and nirvana are two sides of the same coin, existing nominally and interdependently in relation to our states of mind, then rejecting samsara (in the sense of denying deceptive reality or what is appearing to us) is falling off one side of the cliff of extremes. The very rejection of what is right in front of us, in our present reality is itself a samsaric act! We are behaving in a samsaric way by trying to reject samsara!  

We could argue that samsara accepted is nirvana. Saying “yes” to samsara (remember, with wise, non-apathetic acceptance) begins to loosen up our dualistic definitions and gives us something to engage with, every second of the day. Every experience becomes an opportunity to be unbound. We have everything we need in this moment, brought to us by our own karma! 

In your next retreat, try to embrace the attitude of acceptance. To just sit and say, “Yes, even this,” opens up a potentially beautiful practice of healing, forgiveness, compassion… and liberation. Retreat affords us this magnificent opportunity - a hiatus from being caught up in our complicated external relationships, our energies dispersed in this errand and that appointment. We are able to be a little more present to the inner commentaries of our own minds. We can listen to just how much we tend to say “no.”  

Instead of delivering a judgemental and fearful “no,” binding yourself in your perceived failure, offer a love-filled and mystic “yes” to all that arises, opening up the potential for liberation from the prison house of your own making.

Cindy Lee teaches dharma, yoga philosophy and meditation with Lama Marut in retreat settings throughout the U.S and Australia. For more information, please visit http://siddha-songs.com

All images in this article are from the Asian Classics Input Project Database. Please help support this invaluable resource and the preservation of ancient wisdom at http://asianclassics.org and http://yogaclassics.org