Question and Answer

With Irma Gomés

In each edition, staff writer Irma Gomes answers questions regarding retreat. Please email her with your questions at: irma_gomes@hotmail.com

 Q: I am recently divorced and wanted to go to an ashram in India to do a retreat. They would not accept me because I would be “escaping” my current situation.  Is this generally true?

A: It is natural to rethink our life after a shocking event that reminds us of our impermanence. Many of us change religions or lifestyles altogether. What we thought was a solid refuge evaporates, and leaves us wondering, “What now?”

Perhaps this ashram you are referring to was leading a particular retreat that was not designed for those who have undergone a personal disaster. Possibly it was conducting a retreat for those who want to deepen a particular spiritual practice. Most Ashrams advertise Yoga, but they also give you practical tools to enhance your well-being, restore your inner peace and open your heart.

One online ashram resource offers three good reasons to do retreat: to get away from it all, to rethink your life, and to get in touch with yourself (again).

Another survey asked people why they wanted to go on retreat. The top five answers were:
1.    to find my “center”
2.    to get some peace and quiet
3.    to rethink my life
4.    to have time to read
5.    to learn from a spiritual guide

It’s easy to see how these reasons might or might not be considered compatible with someone in your situation. They could be motivated by the desire to escape your situation in search of answers.

Contact the ashram’s swami or spiritual guide to discuss whether their programs fit your goals or support your spiritual practice. Remember that some ashrams have permanent residents and you may not find the silent atmosphere you are looking for.

As always, if you have a spiritual guide, talk to them about your interest in doing retreat. Ask them for help in finding the place that is most appropriate for you.

Q: I am interested in spending a few days in a Christian convent or monastery in Europe. Which one do you recommend?

A: Fortunately, many monastic orders offer hospitality to travelers. Traditionally, monasteries housed monks and convents lodged nuns. But these designations do not necessarily indicate the current residence preference. Award-winning author and travel expert Eileen Barish offers some very nice guides to lodging in European monasteries.  Kevin J Writ’s "Europe's Monastery and Convent Guesthouses" is also a good place to start.

 

Q: I find that coming home directly after retreat can be a very shocking experience.  I am starting to stress out about it, and this is interfering with my last days in retreat! What should I do?

A: Maybe the best thing for you to do is to give yourself a few days at the end of your retreat to ease back into your non-retreat lifestyle. I remember one occasion, after two months of living in complete silence in the Himalayas, I had to go down to a government’s office in an Indian village. The noise and the traffic shocked me so much that I wondered if I would be able to come back to “the world” at all. It turns out that I could… but I had to take a few “transition” days.

Here are some tips:
• Do not overwhelm yourself with errands, emails and work.
• Maintain as much as you can the schedule you had in retreat (meditation, prayer, yoga), and incorporate it into your daily routine.
• Stay for a couple of days in the retreat center if you can, talking to the teachers and watching your mind. Allow some time to absorb all of the knowledge and awareness into your life.
• Relax
• Create a peaceful and spiritual atmosphere when you come home by encouraging those who live with you to avoid abusive or harsh language, and to keep good morality.

Now enjoy the rest of your retreat!

Question and Answer

By Irma Gomés

In each edition Irma Gomes, one of our staff writers, will answer two or three questions about the practice within this page. If you have questions you would like her to address please email her at irma_gomes@hotmail.com

How can I prevent obstacles when preparing for retreat?
Interferences, as everything else, are a result of previously collected karma. We can’t really know what our karmic destiny is until it has ripened. In which case, it may be too late to change the course of our retreat. It’s crucial that we plan our retreat in advance, keeping our motivation firm and ongoing, by dedicating our good actions to the prosperity and success of the retreat.

Rejoicing and supporting others provides us with great opportunities to support our own retreat efforts. The karma is powerful because of our pure intention and because of how special the object is we’ve chosen. We are helping those who have the Wish for Enlightenment - those who have released their attachment to relationships, jobs and leisure to serve all beings - to achieve their ultimate goals.

There are so many ways that we can help others for retreat. We can assist someone with finding a cabin for the weekend; take care of their children while they are away; help pay their bills; bring them groceries and much more.

A lovely way to help others with retreat is to write encouraging notes. It’s not always easy to be in isolation - we go through many emotions - and it can feel so good just to get a note saying, “I am thinking of you.” This can really have a profound effect. Making offerings to our lamas, teachers and spiritual friends before going on retreat, and dedicating the merit to a successful retreat, can also be of great benefit.

The longer our retreat, the greater our efforts and offerings have to be, as there are several things that can go wrong, and so few things that keep us going!

Does the place I choose matter?
There is no guaranteed place for a successful retreat. However, the texts recommend to pick a place where others have meditated before, or which has been consecrated for those purposes. Always ask your lama to bless your retreat. It’s a great blessing to do retreat where she or he has done so in the past. Otherwise, find a place with few distractions and no noise.

If you’re doing retreat at home, throw a blanket over the TV, computer and other things that could distract you. Disconnect the Internet. Talk to your friends and family about what you are about to undertake and specify the only emergencies for them to contact you.

Is there a particular ritual I should do before I start?
It’s recommended that you start your retreat in the afternoon before sunset. Enjoy a little party and rejoice in this remarkable opportunity. Be grateful and dedicate your time to all living beings. Bless your meditation cushion and your space. Set up a beautiful altar with offerings.

You can recite the Heart Sutra three, seven, or twenty-one times. Imagine that you are in a paradise surrounded by an impenetrable wall. Nothing can hurt you. Nothing can distract you. You are exactly where your teacher wants you to be, and she or he is with you, blessing you at all times. This is the most powerful protection. For longer and more elaborate retreats, you should get oral instructions from your teacher on how to consecrate your retreat space.