Question and Answer

With Irma Gomés

In each edition, staff writer Irma Gomes answers questions regarding retreat. Please email her with your questions at: irma_gomes@hotmail.com

 Q: I am recently divorced and wanted to go to an ashram in India to do a retreat. They would not accept me because I would be “escaping” my current situation.  Is this generally true?

A: It is natural to rethink our life after a shocking event that reminds us of our impermanence. Many of us change religions or lifestyles altogether. What we thought was a solid refuge evaporates, and leaves us wondering, “What now?”

Perhaps this ashram you are referring to was leading a particular retreat that was not designed for those who have undergone a personal disaster. Possibly it was conducting a retreat for those who want to deepen a particular spiritual practice. Most Ashrams advertise Yoga, but they also give you practical tools to enhance your well-being, restore your inner peace and open your heart.

One online ashram resource offers three good reasons to do retreat: to get away from it all, to rethink your life, and to get in touch with yourself (again).

Another survey asked people why they wanted to go on retreat. The top five answers were:
1.    to find my “center”
2.    to get some peace and quiet
3.    to rethink my life
4.    to have time to read
5.    to learn from a spiritual guide

It’s easy to see how these reasons might or might not be considered compatible with someone in your situation. They could be motivated by the desire to escape your situation in search of answers.

Contact the ashram’s swami or spiritual guide to discuss whether their programs fit your goals or support your spiritual practice. Remember that some ashrams have permanent residents and you may not find the silent atmosphere you are looking for.

As always, if you have a spiritual guide, talk to them about your interest in doing retreat. Ask them for help in finding the place that is most appropriate for you.

Q: I am interested in spending a few days in a Christian convent or monastery in Europe. Which one do you recommend?

A: Fortunately, many monastic orders offer hospitality to travelers. Traditionally, monasteries housed monks and convents lodged nuns. But these designations do not necessarily indicate the current residence preference. Award-winning author and travel expert Eileen Barish offers some very nice guides to lodging in European monasteries.  Kevin J Writ’s "Europe's Monastery and Convent Guesthouses" is also a good place to start.

 

Q: I find that coming home directly after retreat can be a very shocking experience.  I am starting to stress out about it, and this is interfering with my last days in retreat! What should I do?

A: Maybe the best thing for you to do is to give yourself a few days at the end of your retreat to ease back into your non-retreat lifestyle. I remember one occasion, after two months of living in complete silence in the Himalayas, I had to go down to a government’s office in an Indian village. The noise and the traffic shocked me so much that I wondered if I would be able to come back to “the world” at all. It turns out that I could… but I had to take a few “transition” days.

Here are some tips:
• Do not overwhelm yourself with errands, emails and work.
• Maintain as much as you can the schedule you had in retreat (meditation, prayer, yoga), and incorporate it into your daily routine.
• Stay for a couple of days in the retreat center if you can, talking to the teachers and watching your mind. Allow some time to absorb all of the knowledge and awareness into your life.
• Relax
• Create a peaceful and spiritual atmosphere when you come home by encouraging those who live with you to avoid abusive or harsh language, and to keep good morality.

Now enjoy the rest of your retreat!